That's me....I'm a runner

At the start of the race!

A perk of my job for the last year has been I get national holidays off. And with my fourth of july off, I decided to run a 10 k as a part of my half-marathon training. I found the Medina Twin Sizzler race and signed up and was eagerly awaiting this race. The week before for my long run, I ran 6.2 miles with water bottles and fuel in order to practice. I was overjoyed at this pre-10k 10k because I ran it 5 minutes faster than my estimated time with my current mile pace. I walked around from Saturday - Wednesday knowing that I had this upcoming race in the bag. There was only one problem, there was no map or elevation course for my 10 k. And the race started at 9 am after a 5 k, fun run and bike race. But I continued to move about my week with optimism with a sense of obliviousness about what the actual race would entail.

My parents came in town for the 4th, and joined Kenny and I in our day of fun. First stop, Medina. The race began and ended in a very charming town square. It reminded my of Stars Hollow. We watched the 5 k finish, the bike races start and all the cute children of Medina leave on their fun run. Then it was time to get to business.  Although the rules stated no headphones (which intially made me nervous- I've never run without music), everyone was wearing there's. I broke the rules too. With my shuffle on and ear phones in...I took off to the tune of "lose yourself" by eminem. (An Ashley's running classic).

The good news it that the race went on with out raining. But it was very humid. And Medina is VERY hilly. There were hill after hill after hill. One spectactor told my mom that the first 3 miles were mostly uphill. I agree. It was certainly the toughest course I have run. But, I kept running. U2, mumford, the weepies and Big and Rich kept my ears and mind happy and my legs going. And then around 1.5 miles, I started talking with a new running friend. I had never ran and talked at the same time. But I ran and talked with 2 co-runners until about 3.5 miles. Then we seperated and ran our own races. It was nice. In discussing my favorite things about the race to Kenny, it was that I finished (spoiler alert) and I made 2 new friends.

When I met K in the middle of the neighborhood. Look at my awesome belt! 

Around mile 4-5 I saw a familiar red shirt in the middle of a empty neighborhood. It was Kenny! He surprised me and after the start of the race he walked 1.5 miles to a place by the course. It was so nice to see him. His smile , love and pride kept me going until the end of my race.

I finished and saw my parents and Kenny cheering me on from the finish line. I am not the quickest of runners.... but I am a runner. And more importantly a runner who finishes what she sets out to do. It was so nice to see the finish line and to know that I had finished this goal. A few months ago I didn't know I could do this. But now I know.

Next on the list, the akron half--I'm officially registering this afternoon!!! I'm coming for you 13.1 sticker!!

Tiger belly learns to run

whose that girl running.....?

If you look closely-- I look a little happy running. Go Ashley Go.

Since the last time I wrote an entry, I have taken up a new hobby. I am officially a runner. I run now, for a hobby. (I never thought I'd say those things). Following my surgery, I was struck with how much more energy I had. I didn't realize how ill I was, until I was feeling 100%. But, I was feeling 100%... so I wanted to put some of my energy towards being healthy. So, I picked up my activity level from where I was before surgery. At the time I was diagnosed with a stricture and needed surgery I had previously started couch 2 5 k. But, eventually I had to stop.

But, 1 month after surgery I started to run at least 2-3 times a week. I was strictly a treadmill runner until the beginning of April. Then , I transitioned to the out-of doors. Running outside was really, hard. I had to adjust to hitting the pavement with my feet, adjust to the heat, adjust to the wind. However, I stuck to it. I continued to remember what it felt like before I was running. Since I started this running, I have slept better, felt less anxious and had a lot more energy.

So, On June 1, my friend and I ran our first 5 k. It was with Girls on the Run, which is a program that helps teach young girls how to be active and eat right. It was an all female 5 k and filled with both girls and their coaches and other adult women. It was really fun to run the race and see all the girls with their friends and with their coaches. It was nice to hear encouraging words from the coaches to the girls who were having hard times. It made me think of a younger Ashley who hated the mile run in elementary school. I wanted to speak some encouragement back to that younger Ashley and tell her to stop complaining and that she was stronger than the distance of a mile. But, since timetraveling encouraging is impossible.... when I ran by some of the girls I spoke encouragement to them.

By far, the 5 k race was my best run yet. I was slow, but steady. And after all was said and done, my friend and I had smoothies. I felt so encouraged all day that I was able to accomplished running 3.1 miles. I have continued to feel so powerful all of last weekend and until today. Everytime I lace up my running shoes, I keep thinking this is a new , powerful, strong Ashley.


So up next for this new Ashley is a 10 K on July 4th. Miles 4, 5, 6 I am coming for you.

Long runs start tomorrow....

It's been 2 whole months!!

Written on 2/17/13

Two months ago , I woke up in a hospital bed. I was completely overwhelmed by how relieved I was that my surgery went well and by how much post-surgical pain hurts. I was so grateful for small things ( like being able to sit in bed, or take a few steps, or get my foley out). I was hopeful that my surgery would make a difference in my health and that this would be a turning point in how I feel.

Two months  ago, I am not sure I would have dreamed that things would be as good as they are today.
I am feeling so good--still! Prior to the surgery, admist all the tiger belly issues-- I would have good days, but they would be clouded by this feeling of gray. I would eventually get tired, feel weak or have a return of this chronic, nagging belly pain. But, since the surgery.... I'm been feeling amazing!

Occassionally, when we're together I will look over to Kenny and say (still surprised) "I haven't had belly pain in so long." My energy level is up, my fatigue is away and I 'm feeling great.

I've been feeling so much better, I've even taken to a new and improved healthy plan for Ashley. I've began exercising and running again. Besides wanting to actually feel better about my body ( and to shed stupid steroid weight), I really want to regain some control over my own self. I am choosing to pay into my health by not putting junk into my body ( bye bye french fries and soda and empty calories) and  by trying to challenge myself. I want to run and be active because I can. I want to run because some days in the recent past.... I couldn't. I knew what is was like to feel tired and with no energy. And I don't feel that way anymore.

My actually skill with the running waxes and wanes. But, I'm trying to be commited. I've been stretching or yoga-ing or running most days of the week. And sometimes, while running-- I try to imagine the new improved connection between my small and large intestine. I think of it getting better and stronger. I think about how stupid crohns was to think it could attack me and bring me down. And I think about the year and a half I was actually sick and the many years that I was sick and didn't know it. And I run through those bad times. And I run towards many days with me feeling better and stronger. And I run towards a brighter future.

The last few days, I have actually been feeling so good that I have almost forgotten what it feels like to be so worried about my  "tiger belly". In general, the time spent talking about the tiger belly has gone down to almost nothing. It's weird to not be actively thinking about it anymore and it's actually equally weird to know that it could come back whenever it wants. But as my dad says "I hope the tiger belly is on permanent vacation, and not just sleeping."

Update: 3/24/13

For those of you who don't know, I work in the same hospital that I stayed in after my surgery. This last thursday, my job brought me back to the room that was my hospital room for 5 days. I walked into that room in my white coat for a consult for my job. And it was weird. I had flashbacks of mental pictures of walking back and forth in that room. I remember walking my first slow steps after surgery. I remembered what the walls looked like when I was alone and was getting ready to fall asleep. But it was nice to walk back out of that room. I was out, with straight posture, running my fingers over the healed area of my abdomen scar. I was so thankful for time gone by.

Long over-due update

Good morning to all my friends and family,

  I thought that in this process of recovery, it was about time for a blog update. I was feeling pretty good on my ability to update folks, but then this weekend I received some cards and correspondence from friends from far off places who haven't been able to talk with or see me since my surgery. I realized that these dear friends had no idea how I have been the last three weeks.

So, tomorrow will be 3 weeks exactly from surgery. And things in my recovery are going well and I am exactly where I should be. I have good days and bad days. After returning home from the hospital, I  was flying high on how much I could do. I was able to walk and stand with minimal help. I continued to have what I'll call minor-moderate belly pain-- mostly at my incision sites. Details about my bowels waking up and working will not be shared, but I will say that the most surprising fact to me was the when my bowels would move I had the most pain at my inside incision. I wasn't expecting that.

Since being home, my biggest problem with recovery has been my level of fatigue and strength. I will say that since my diagnosis with Crohn's I haven't been amazing energy level girl. (And the pathology results from my surgery did show active crohn's-- so my energy reserve the last few months have been low). However, it is taking a long time to get back to my normal level of energy and stamina. I have become queen of taking afternoon naps, couch lounging and small bursts of activity. However, everyday I seem to get a little bit better with feeling like more energy.

However, this have been discouraging. My parent's were wonderful with my post-op period. They stayed here until last weekend and were helping me with get up and active again. I was feeling really good last week and I am very eager to return back to full normal routine and work. However, now since I am on my own I can realize that doing regular home work tasks, cooking and even the focus it takes to drive makes me so tired so easily. I feel like such a weakling, even though my surgeon, my parents and dear husband, keep telling me that this is normal. They all keep saying that time will make this all be better. I think it's hard because I figured the surgery would take out the bad part and I'd be back to normal. However, I forgot that surgery within itself is trauma. I also wasn't mindful that even though I have a lot on intestine--9 inches were taken out and I'm suppose to have those inches.

This leads me to my last new adjustment. I'm trying to figure out the new functioning of my body. Without those 9 inches, things move differently. I'm figuring that all out, especially in light of my traveling job. I'm also trying to wrap my mind around what it has meant to go through all of this. I find that since the surgery, I've been more emotional quickly. I think that with everyone's prayers and thoughts, I sailed through the scariness of surgery and my hospital stay. But part of this surgery kind of seals up this chronic disease thing for me. I'm  someone's patient, instead of a provider. I just added something big-ish to my medical history. There's no way for me to avoid that this is a part of me. And yet, I don't want to this all to consume more of my life that usual. I'm trying to process all of this.

Reflections

Hello friends and family,

   It's been a week since I've sad goodbye to 9 inches of my intestines! And I appear to be all the much better for it!! It's been great to be home these last few days. It's amazing how much you can appreciate the little things of your own space until you spend some time away. The feeling is similar to going on a week vacation , but when you come home to your own bed and sheets-- you feel so happy and content. All the traveling across the globe can't take away the happiness felt from placing your feet into the clean sheets you placed on the bed before you left. Any, I digress from the reason for this blog post.

I wanted to write to you all and tell you how grateful I am for all of you. I am thankful for your willing to read my story and therefore become part of my story. By reading, my sending your thoughts, prayers and good will my way, you impacted my illness and hospital stay. I truly believe that the surgery procedure went to well due to all of your good thought and prayers. Compared to my usual nervous self, I really was not an anxious person in the hospital. I wasn't worried and I slept really unusually well.

So, thank you for caring for me from afar. I so appreciate it.

The adventure( and healing) continues....

AT HOME!!! 

An overachiever's shortcoming (alternatively titled: All I want to do is fart!)

Bowel talking below (fair warning)....

As a fairly educated woman with many talents, there are many things I can do on little notice. I can quick clean the whole 1st level of my house within 20 minutes when company is coming over. I can do a head to toe assessment within 15 minutes and with some skill diagnose a pneumonia, allergies or a host of other medical ailments. I can look at lab panels and interpret them. I can paint a mean picture. I can write a mean thank-you note. I can craft with the best of them--turning coffee bags into roses, old jeans into a purse.  I've got all kinds of skills..... and none of them are helping me right now.

I am at what you call a plateau. I have recovered nicely from surgery. I am now, joyfully tolerating a regular diet with no nausea and no increased pain. I can walk around, get out of bed, and bend at my waist with very minimal pain medicine. All are pre-requisets for discharge to home. But the last to do: is still waiting to be done.

We need to know my bowls are working. There are two signs of working bowels: passing gas and having a bowel movement. Now, I am not a girl who enjoys talking about such things. But now, everyone knows this is the last box to check before I go home, everyone I see is asking about my bowels. Everyone. My parents, my in-laws, my doctors, my nurses.... I even got a phone call from my brother -in-law, who lives out of state, who called in a cheerleader style for my bowls to get going..... "Go F-A-R-T-S!".

I can report from the home front, that this morning I did fart twice. But, nothing great to report otherwise. And I so want to be home. I have had great nurses and aides, but I want to sleep in my own bed, be in my own house, have my own space that is shared with my own choosen and loved roommate. But I can't go anywhere till I have a BM. I plead, give me a multiple choice test on anything.... I bet I can get a 70% on most subjects..... I'd bet my walking papers on that. Give me a random test on a novel I read as a 7th grader. If I get a 70%, then let me be discharge. Make me teach a lecture to nursing students, and then give me my papers as rewards..... let me show you my talents in order to earn my escape from 6 west.

I hate this waiting game. For something, I only have minimal control. After all of this, and my ability to make decisions to have surgery and have part of my colon /small intestine removed--you've think my bowels are afraid of me. You'd think that they'd understand who is in charge here and get with the program. But, they will do what they want.

So, prayers for  patient for me, and for peristalsis for my bowels. I so would appreciate it.

On my feet again

Hello my friends and family!

My belly currently, you can only see two of the incisions, the third is much lower.... not a bad looking abdomen

 Sorry, for the blog silence, but I needed a little more time to regain muscle strength in order to sit up and type a blog entry. Well, as today is Saturday, I believe it is time to celebrate that currently there is no evidence of Crohn's in my body! The stricture is removed! Like the boy said, on his previous update, the surgery went well. My wonderful surgeon was able to perform the surgery laproscopically and he was able to remove the stricture. Upon opening me up, they found a little bit more of the small intestine was involved and a small fistula in the colon. He cut until there was healthy tissue and sewed up the fistula. For those of you wondering, I now have 3 small incisions. Here's a picture of them from today.

After surgery, my pain was quite intense. My saving grace came in the form of IV pain medicine and an abdominal binder. I was remarking last night, that this abdominal pain has changed my tune on a few things. I used to not really like injections, but compared to my belly pain, the heparin shots q 8 hours are nothing. But as the day went on yesterday, my pain was less and less....and now I am on oral pain pills. I also went for 3 small walks yesterday and got my catheter removed (rejoice).

So, all in all, things are going well. Now we are just waiting for my belly to regain strength and movement. As soon as I pass gas, we can try to eat a regular diet. 24 hours on a regular diet--and I'm cut lose from the hospital. Without a full diet, it's amazing how wonderful small things can taste. I seriously had the best strawberry jello yesterday! 

That's it from here. Here's another picture of me..... in a dad designed hospital gown...sitting pretty. 

Thanks for checking in!

Surgery Complete! - Post Surgical update #1

From "the boy"...

A quick note to friends and family that my beautiful wife (she will be henceforth referred to as "small one") is doing well...

Small one has emerged successfully from her surgical procedure!  We met with the surgeon (who we like so very much) and he assured us things went well.  Turns out small one's tiger belly was pretty angry so he was glad that we all made the decision to do surgery.  No ostomy bag necessary (Ashley will be thrilled!!!!) and no complications.  Small one remains in the PACU (Post-Anasthesia Care Unit...or Recovery room) for the moment so we have not seen her yet.

So far my favorite things from the day...

1. Seeing my wife in pre-op area after taking her pre-surgical "happy pill" (sooooo much more relaxed)

2. My wife glaring at me after I offered her (in an attempt to be funny) a sip of my water on the way to the hospital

3. 3-4 hours of daytime judge talk shows in the waiting area coming to an end . . . only to be replaced by local news (which is like trading penile cancer for rectal cancer)

4. The wide-eyed nurse in pre-op who told me "boy, your wife talks a lot when she gets nervous!"

5. Hearing the news that the love of my life is recovering well after surgery with no complications

More updates to follow


...the boy

Who is carrying your mat?

Mark 2: 1 -12: A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home. ² They gathered in such large numbersthat there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them. ³ Some men came, bringing to him a paralyzed man,carried by four of them. ⁴ Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus by digging through it and then lowered the mat the man was lying on. ⁵ When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralyzed man, “Son, your sins are forgiven.”

⁶ Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, ⁷ “Why does this fellow talk like that? He’s blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

⁸ Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things? ⁹ Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’? ¹⁰ But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.”So he said to the man, ¹¹ “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” ¹² He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all. This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this!”

~~~---~~~----~~~----~~~----~~~----~~~----~~~----~~~----~~~----~~~--

As a part of our sermon today, this passage was discussed. We were discussing the power of belief in God's kingdom coming. This belief isn't just thinking and completing hypotheses and philosophical theorems. This belief is not only taking God at his word and trusting His promises, but also entering into communion with His spirit and His people. At the end of our time together, our pastor asked Whose mat are you holding? Whose mat are you carrying to bring closer to healing to Jesus? And who is carrying your mat during tough times? 

The closer that Thursday gets, the more both relieved and anxious I am getting. And after today, and this sermon I am taking pause to look at the many blessings I have around me. So, thank you to the many people, who know who they are , who are carrying the corners of my mat. I am so thankful for the many people who are praying for me, who have asked and listened to my worries / concerns and to those who have showed me such kindness. 

I do so appreciate it. Even with distances, I've had so many family members and dear friends who have let me know that they are walking with me during this time. I so appreciate it because on good days it makes me grateful for our friendship and on bad days I can be a little bit stronger because I know I am not alone in this. 

And, a very special shout out to my dear husband who I know if he could single handedly carry my mat himself he would. He has been wonderful to  support me, listen to my worries and let me be sad when I need to. 

It's a date

Hello friends and family. Today, I got the call.... we've got a date: 

January 17, 2012. 

I will be at the hospital in the morning, and around noon I'll be entering the OR for my surgery. 

I really thought I was starting to be okay with the reality of being a patient and having surgery. But this afternoon has been a rough one. For the last week or so I've been telling the boy that this surgery is going to be okay once it's all over. I've been kind of wishing that I could fast forward through all of this. He keeps telling me.... "I know, but before it can be over...it has to start." 

And now, we know when the start is going to be. And that just happens to be in 8 days. 8 days from now, I'll be in one of my homemade hospital gowns (made by my awesome Dad) and the surgery will be done. When I think about it that way, I feel relieved. Relieved that the scariest part of this immediate journey will be over. Then, it will just be an uphill journey to getting back to being Ashley 2.0 ( newer, stronger, lighter due to less small intestine and healthier). 

So, the can be my own personal new year celebration... 17 days late. prayers and good thoughts highly appreciated.